“you eat, you’re fat. you don’t eat, you’re a freak. you drink, you’re an alcoholic. you don’t drink, you’re a pussy. you read, you’re a nerd. you don’t read, you’re stupid. you tell a secret, you’re an attention seeker. you don’t tell a secret, you’re still attention seeking. you let someone in, you’re easy. you don’t let someone in, you’re too uptight. you smoke, you think you’re cool. you don’t smoke, you’re a loser. you’ve had sex, you’re a slut. you haven’t had sex, you’re a frigid little bitch. you wear make up, you’re a slag. you don’t wear make up, you’re ugly. you can’t please anyone. ever.”—this may be my favourite facebook group ever. (via -lipsticklullabies)
But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering. It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase “a lot” and condense it down into one word, because when someone says “alot,” this is what I imagine:
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world. For example, when I read the sentence “I care about this alot,” this is what I imagine:
Similarly, when someone says “alot of _______”, I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.
If someone says something like “I feel lonely alot” or “I’m angry alot,” I’m going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.
The Alot is incredibly versatile.
So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting abouthow he is “alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps,” instead of getting angry, you can be like “You’re right! Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities.”